Justin Bieber is opening up in GQ’s May issue about how his own personal struggles made the first year of marriage tough, and how his wife helped him out of those dark moments.

Tying the knot was something he always wanted to do: “I just felt like that was my calling. Just to get married and have babies and do that whole thing.” (As for babies, “Not this second, but we will eventually.”) But there were trust issues.

“The first year of marriage was really tough because there was a lot going back to the trauma. There was just a lack of trust,” he said. “There was all these things that you don’t want to admit to the person that you’re with, because it’s scary. You don’t want to scare them off by saying, ‘I’m scared.'”

All of that made them stronger.  “And it’s beautiful that we have that to look forward to. Before, I didn’t have that to look forward to in my life,” he added. “My home life was unstable. I didn’t have a significant other. I didn’t have someone to love. I didn’t have someone to pour into.”

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