Jennifer Lawrence is on the cover of Vanity Fair‘s December issue talking about why she ducked out of the spotlight for a few years.

“I was not pumping out the quality that I should have,” “I just think everybody had gotten sick of me. I’d gotten sick of me. It had just gotten to a point where I couldn’t do anything right.”

“Working made me feel like nobody could be mad at me: ‘Okay, I said yes, we’re doing it. Nobody’s mad.’ And then I felt like I reached a point where people were not pleased just by my existence,” “So that kind of shook me out of thinking that work or your career can bring any kind of peace to your soul.”

She talked about a terrifying private plane trip in 2017 where both of the plane’s engines failed during the flight. “My skeleton was all that was left in the seat,” said Lawrence. “We were all just going to die. I started leaving little mental voicemails to my family, you know, ‘I’ve had a great life, I’m sorry.’” But after a bumpy landing, all of the passengers arrived at the airport safely. “It made me a lot weaker,”  “Flying is horrific, and I have to do it all the time.”

While she’s “grateful and excited” to become a mom, she doesn’t want to talk about that. At all.

“If I was at a dinner party, and somebody was like, ‘Oh, my God, you’re expecting a baby,’ I wouldn’t be like, ‘God, I can’t talk about that. Get away from me, you psycho!'” she said. “But every instinct in my body wants to protect their privacy for the rest of their lives, as much as I can.”

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